I haven’t written for such a long time. And for me to update this blog, it has to be something truly irritating that gives me the impulse to vent. That incident has happened and I’m going to put it as it was.
So I was having brunch with two colleagues. Well, technically, it’s one colleague, because one of them has already moved on to another job, and the other one is doing the same. And they kept giving me unsolicited advice, saying how terrible the job that she/I am working at is, and telling me to quit.
When I telling the story to my cousin, he was like, “You are being too sensitive. They are just wishing you well." (No bear hug. No comforting words. Lesson learnt. No sharing with people who are not going to be on your side when you need emotional support.)
Are they? If they are, they should have told me about the job opening. But they didn’t. So I don’t think they really have my best interest in mind. I am not as naive as to assume anyone, except me, to have my interest in mind. I just don’t want to listen to people using it to rationalize their words or behaviours which I find insincere or mean.
It’s especially true when I have repeatedly told them that I don’t mind doing what I am doing. Well, of cos I am not getting paid as well as they are getting, but if I am after money, I won’t be working as an employee. I would have been continuing working on my path to be a celebrity, or starting my own business.
I was bottling up inside for the whole meal, because I cannot tell them I am doing financially okay lest it leads to jealousy or any sort of sabotage. Also, I cannot tell them that my dream has come true already years ago (i.e. me working for the showbiz) and I don’t need any validation from any job anymore. All I am looking for is security and this job has offered me more than enough of it.
Even if I move on to another job, it won’t be another government job, but something that I can claim to be wholly mine. I said that explicitly at one point, even with a reminder to one of them, “You remember I told you that I wanted to be a writer? If I quit, I will be quitting for being a writer, not quitting for writing someone’s speech." She responded, as if that brunch was for a celebration for her new job so everything had to be about her, “I want to be a writer too. But it doesn’t pay well." Girl, you are not listening to me. I am trying to explain to you why I do not covet your new position because I need you to know it to stop giving me unsolicited advice.
I am so sick of these people who think they know what’s good for me. You don’t know what’s good for me. Even if you do, do you truly wishing me well? Will you be happy to see me shine? I doubt it. I really doubt it. And I have a reason for it: You are not even paying attention to me. Did you see my face when you were trashing this job that not only you haven’t left yet, but I am working at?
Noblessay 