網路的那些文章

有一種寫手專門複述大眾的碎碎念,替那些畢業後就沒有好好寫過一篇文章的一般市民出出氣,吐吐苦水。這種文章通常也沒能提供任何嶄新見解。點擊率再高,也稱不上是高質。在我來説,俗套的思想有如1+1=2,根本不值得花氣力予以它的誕生。

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沒有寫作的欲望

不是沒有時間寫作,而是生活上沒有刺激、沒有啟發、沒有新發現、沒有想申訴的事,才沒有寫作的欲望。再加上連成名的野心也沒有了,那就更加沒有每天投稿的迫切感。

 📝女文青談寫📝寫之苦:其實我沒有答案

買了前cosmogirl雜誌專欄作家的作品《妝前妝後》,因為每篇散文的標題都很有趣。買回家才發覺每篇都很短,都是始於一件逸事,終於一個結論。

發現很多貌似很工整的散文,都是這樣構成的。不論議題之複雜,不論篇幅之所限,作者必定於文末一口咬定一個定論。

 

吾也寫過不少自以為很有見地的文章,不過越寫就越心虛,明明內心就沒那麼篤定,卻非得立個論才算完成一篇文章似的。

現實是,對於很多事情,吾只有深刻的體會,卻不一定有強烈的看法。

就算寫下了句號,腦裡還是有很多很多個問號,那又何必以作家的身份裝出一副老定的樣子呢?

前陣子擱筆許久,就是不想為賦新詞強立論,生怕自己的文字規範了自己的思想。

Remain Low Profile Because I Want To Speak My Honest Mind

Why Low Profile? (a 2012 blogpost)

It is my sixth entry and I still am not quite prepared for having an actual reader on this blog.
What’s truly bothering me is, what if the presence of a reader, even just the first odd number “one” of them, induces my pose-y-ness? I almost never write to please no one — teachers, exam markers, professors — but me (except for those diaries shredded last year as a dramatic act of detoxification and self liberation). That’s why I want to keep it real this time. Nothing but the truth.

I feared so much about my readership affecting my writing that I used friend lock for my online diary and even set it to a private site later. That’s why I use a pseudonym on this blog.

My Blog as a Secret Garden (a 2013 blogpost)
This blog has been pretty successful so far. Not in terms of viewing rates, but the frequency of my actual usage. I have set up numerous blogs with various avatars but no one has a lifespan longer than this one. I guess it is because I am keeping it low profile.

I am not trying to reveal my identity here and I am not marketing this to people I see in person. I can be as opinionated as I want to be.

Also, I am not trying to construct a new virtual me here, which I often did when I was younger, so I don’t have to pretend or twist my words in order to fit in that particular personality type that I know I am not in real life.

This blog is simply a documentary of my life.

📝女文青談寫📝寫網誌的原因 Why Do I Blog?

早於2008年(那時還未流行haul videos)便寫美容blog,在xanga和Yahoo!的發佈曾被選登於頭版。

為甚麼不繼續做下去?明明有魄力也有方法呀!因為覺得當時寫的東西沒有令世界更美的意義,又怕流於文字障,障於別人,障到自己。

吾的目標,是提供經得起時間考驗的意見和心得,而非利用人家的好奇心、勾起他人競爭心、刺激別人的物欲,來提高自己的曝光率。

為人而寫,要考慮很多。篩選過的內容,意見會變得不完整。

此外,為人而寫會著重表達風格,但吾還不想固定,想做更多實驗。

Blogging之於吾,是用來記錄和暫放凌亂思緒的工具。

先如實地寫下我完整的想法,再靜靜地等待有裡似想法的人或有好奇心的人自動靠近,而不是刻意在做文章引誘他們。

不寫廣告文章、不華麗造句、不說偏激的話,不扮作專家、不量產、不急於得到即時的回應、不求知名度。

隨喜更新、平述心中想法、誠實面對自己,同時希望透過文字,與接受誠實的吾的你們結緣。

To me, my blog is the only outlet where I, an introvert, can share deep thoughts with and connect to the world

📝女文青談寫📝How My Writing Changes 寫作習慣的改變

My writing process used to be like this:

an idea came -> fishing my notebook out of my bag and writing the idea down in the most horrible handwriting -> typing it on MS Word -> mild editing -> searching for a matching picture -> hitting the publish button -> marketing it on Facebook -> waiting for comments -> counting the number of comments -> feeling proud of myself -> the applaud subsided -> self doubt -> challenged myself into producing more

All I thought about was quantity, not quality. I wasn’t genuine about sharing what I thought would be valuable to others. I just wanted to show off how fast I could form an opinion about something. As soon as I had an idea, I couldn’t wait to share it with the world, not because of how brilliant that idea was, but how eager I was to let people know, “Hey, I have a new idea again!”

That was before I was haunted by my own perfectionism when I went from over sharing to under sharing.

Then I valued my “Walk” more than my “Talk”:

一發現甚麼新奇概念,便急不及待向人分享。但菜還未煮成,人家豈敢拿你的食譜? 總得做個樣子出來嘛。拿到一些祕方,先問自己可有本事耍一遍,沒有的話,廢話少說, 去練好你的拳,少裝模作樣。

也許會從留言中的誇獎你博學得到一點點滿足感,但那個感覺,只不過建立於別人的無知上。當他們知道你沒那料子,就不會再圍觀你,到時候,你的自信也會跟著流走。

再說,他們對你的讚美,也許只是滿足虛榮心,留個言來告訴旁觀者,他們也明白真知灼見,是屬於優秀的一方。可見別人的掌聲,既靠不住又不真誠。

Then I started documenting instead of writing, storing instead of sharing:

一段時間我是不寫作的,因為寫作好像要回到那個應該忘掉的妄念。後來我實驗過,只要不採用情緒式寫作便可,一切以第三身來寫就沒問題。以現在的自己,觀看過去的自己,陳述事實而不是反芻感覺。

對於不停重覆貪吃嗜睡的惡習慣感到厭倦,因此,想展開自我觀察和改善日記。這算是功能性寫作吧!

寫這類日誌中,會懶得交代一些事,因為不帶和別人分享的目的,只為梳理自身的思緒。

 📝女文青談寫📝寫之苦:In What Genre or Style?

我現在的情況,像一位想滿足表演欲的舞者,需要編排一支舞,但不清楚自己該跳的是waltz,jazz 還是ballet。

寫長篇小說?連消費文學巨著的耐性也沒有,有能耐生產一部長篇小說?

Be a critic? I am not the reviewing kind. If I were, I would have set up an account and be active on openrice or anobii. I am not excited about listing the pros and cons of a product or service. What I want to sharing through my writing is my life experience and my reflection upon it. I might have come across a good book and shared my thoughts about it but it doesn’t make me a regular commenter.